Humour

The Microsoft Boy

Posted by Gianni on September 30, 2011
Humour / No Comments

The Boy

Last update: july 4 2005

  • The Microsoft Boy loves Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy believes that the computer was created by Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy believes that the software was invented by Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy believes that the Internet was invented by Microsoft.
  • No, the Microsoft Boy doesn’t believe that the universe was created by Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy has Windows XP and he installed service pack 2 the same day it was released.
  • The Microsoft Boy is aware that security is important, so he immediately activated the Microsoft Windows Firewall.
  • The Microsoft Boy is aware that security is important, so not trusting one antivirus only, he has two of them installed.
  • The Microsoft Boy loves jokes, so when friends of him sends mails with fun attaches, he runs them and has a lot of fun!
  • The Microsoft Boy doesn’t know it, but he has a lot of friends that all over the world watch what his hard disk contains, send mail to his friends (using Microsoft Boy’s name) and share all his private data.
  • The Microsoft Boy only has one giga of RAM, that’s why his computer is so slow and often accesses to the hard disk.
  • The Microsoft Boy has 37 icons in his tray bar.
  • The Microsoft Boy does know that Windows XP has been improved and now is the best operating system ever.
  • The Microsoft Boy, in fact, doesn’t know what an operating system is, but he never admits this because he feels ashamed.
  • The Microsoft Boy has got wind of that famous program called Linux, but he has not installed it yet because he hasn’t been able to find the crack for Windows XP.
  • The Microsoft Boy browses solely by means of the Microsoft Internet Explorer.
  • The Microsoft Boy has found a great program, that checks the Windows’ registry and fixes all of the errors. The program is with fee but he has installed the crack.
  • The Microsoft Boy, thanks to this program and with a lot of suggestions coming from various magazines and from the Internet, has fixed his registry (without performing a backup).
  • After that hard work, the Microsoft Boys’ computer is a lot faster. Especially after he has re-installed Windows…
Blue screen of death

The boy
“classic” version

This is the first version, written in 1997, in the Windows 95 era

  • The Microsoft Boy loves Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy says Windows 95 is the world’s best operating system.
  • The Microsoft Boy, in fact, doesn’t know what an operating system is, but he never admits this because he feels ashamed.
  • The Microsoft Boy reinstalls Windows 95 every two weeks.
  • The Microsoft Boy knows that formerly programs ran one at a time, then Windows 95 arrived.
  • The Microsoft Boy believes that the Norton Utilities are free.
  • When the Microsoft Boy saw the “Microsoft Natural Keyboard”, he went to his right-hand shopkeeper and bought a bent keyboard.
  • The Microsoft Boy, in fact, just can’t say what a computer can be used for.
  • The Microsoft Boy knows that Bill Gates is a genius.
  • The Microsoft Boy spends 3000$ a year to update his hardware.
  • The Microsoft Boy doesn’t know what a file system is, but he knows that Windows 95’s is the best.
  • The Microsoft Boy reformats the hard disk every three weeks.
  • The Microsoft Boy is proud to have 67 icons on its desktop.
  • The Microsoft Boy has recently got from a friend a CD with Photoshop 5 and he installed it because he wanted to see some gifs.
  • The Microsoft Boy bought a brand new hard disk yesterday.
  • The Microsoft Boy immediately bought (70$) the mouse with the small wheel from Microsoft.
  • The Microsoft Boy later saw a 40$ mouse with the small wheel from Logitech and, proud, he thought he had got a bargain.
  • The Microsoft Boy just can’t understand how to use the mouse with the small wheel in Microsoft Flight Simulator.
  • The Microsoft Boy has heard of Windows NT, but he can’t understand what this could be.
  • The Microsoft Boy tries at least ten demos a week.
  • The Microsoft Boy doesn’t know what does “disinstall” mean.
  • Microsoft Boy’s PC takes about six minutes to make boot.
  • The Microsoft Boy supposes that it is normal to restart the computer every 25 minutes.
  • To manage his savings, the Microsoft Boy has decided to buy Microsoft Money.
  • Every time the Microsoft Boy has got some money, he spends it to keep up to date with the Microsoft products.
  • The Microsoft Boy hasn’t any savings at all.
  • The Microsoft Boy is impatient to get Windows 98.
  • The Microsoft Boy can’t understand what is strange about what happened to Bill Gates at Windows 95’s presentation: to him, this happens all the time, but to put everything in order resetting is enough!
  • The Microsoft Boy uses Times New Roman, Arial and another font which he likes a lot, but he doesn’t remember the name.
  • The Microsoft Boy has 6318 TrueType fonts.
  • >The Microsoft Boy is proud about the “Microsoft” keys on his keyboard, even though he never used them.
  • Microsoft Boy dad’s notebook has a one-inch (2,56 cm) long space key.
  • When Microsoft Boy’s dad wants to insert a blank, out of five tries on the average he presses twice the ALT key, once he raises the “Start” menu and at least two times he puts a blank.

Boy’s Adventures

  • One day, the Microsoft Boy found it difficult to start a new game; the game’s instructions showed some changes which were to be applied to autoexec.bat and config.sys files. Sure, the Microsoft Boy opened the two files using Word 97, he made the requested corrections and he saved in Word 97 native format.
    Then he reinstalled Windows 95.